“‘On Falling in Love at Boarding School’ is sharply observed and deeply moving. This vivid piece takes us through seminal moments of a young woman's life as she looks back on her years spent in boarding school—the highs, the lows, the heartbreaks, the lessons learned—and charts the arc of her coming-of-age. This story took me by the hand and led me into a whole emotional universe, making me thrill and feel for its unnamed protagonist, who, in offering ‘advice’ to the next occupant of her dorm room, learns to extend compassion to her younger self, while also maintaining a hard-won hope for the future. Suffused with tenderness and a wry, endearing wit, this piece perfectly captures the uncertainties of young adulthood and the perils of learning how to navigate whiteness in a marginalized, overlooked body, and it's a thrill to read.”
—Gina Chung, contest judge and author of Sea Change

 

Lucas Samaras, Chair Transformation 10A, 1969-1970. Melamine laminate, wood, and wool, 38 1/8 × 20 × 18 1/16in. Image courtesy of the Whitney Museum of America Art.

 

On Falling in Love at Boarding School

by Beth Little

Winner of the 2023 Flash Contest

Rules for the Next Occupant of Room 505, Carmichael Hall:

  1. If you do decide to write a note to that boy, make sure you put said note in the correct black L.L.Bean Original Backpack with the letter C embroidered on the front. His mother wrote his full name on the tag inside. 

  2. When you meet the kid who will pretend to hit his head on the lockers in the math wing for a laugh, do make him your best friend because you’ll need him. Again and again. 

    1. If he organizes a group of you to swim in the pond at night, do it. If someone yells “Run!” also do that. 

    2. If he falls in love with the blonde girl who lives in the next room, don’t listen in on their conversations under the door. Hearing him say she’s his “person” will break your heart a little. 

    3. When she tells him he’s not serious enough and it crushes him, don’t celebrate. Be a better friend; bring him hot chocolate and hug him like you mean it. 

  3. If you happen to be Korean, like me, and the boy who suddenly wants to hold your hand, share your snacks, kiss you, and take off your clothes is a white boy from New Canaan, his lacrosse buddies will nickname you AF (which stands for Asian Fetish). You will wish it surprised you that his next girlfriend, Thao, is from Thailand. (Thao will also get that nickname and the two of you will never talk about it.)

  4. When your heart gets broken and torn and made small in your chest by the white boy from New Canaan, do listen to the entire Live Through This album by Hole at the loudest volume your boom box will blast. Do not listen to “How Do I Live” by LeAnn Rimes OR “On My Own” from Les Misérables on repeat, alone in this room, while the rain pelts the windows. Either way, it’s a bad look. 

  5. A couple side notes: 

    1. Wear what you want—Champion sweatshirts, flannels, and Converse. Don’t spend your time pushing your round little body into those straight J.Crew skirts and the boatneck tops from Express. Also, no one can pull off the plaid sweater-vest / miniskirt ensemble from Clueless. 

    2. When the coolest girl, the one with the high pony and Nirvana T, asks you if you want one? She means a cigarette and say “no.” 

    3. Understand that drinking Bud Lights and/or vodka from a water bottle will cause you to be bold and kiss the boy you want to kiss, and it will take you to bed with the guy you noticed noticing you, and you’ll do what he wants just to get out of the bedroom without having to speak.

  6. Try to do things because they feel good, not because you feel pressured. Don’t let the girls in your dorm make you feel dirty or easy or like you’re the only one. You’re not. You’re not. And, you’re definitely not. 

  7. If the boy in math class has a Good Will Hunting accent, date him. Even if everyone says it’s a bad idea. Because while it’s not a great idea, it’s not a bad one. He will be a good kisser. And, he will punch Pat Hinson in the face when he falls into you drunk, knocking you toward the pep rally bonfire. The punch will get him suspended, but he’ll call you and tell you how happy he is that he lent you that pencil in Pre-Calc.

  8. Don’t forget that just because you don’t get the guy or the lead in the musical, it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve the guy or the lead in the musical. 

  9. When it’s your last day at this school, in this bubble, and it’s just you and your best friend, sitting on the dock, swinging your toes, in and out of the water, pay attention. Feel the chill of the wet against your toes and let him hold your hand. Do put your head on his shoulder and breathe deeply. 

  10. Remember, there will be love for you. It won’t last forever, but what does?

June 4, 1999

 
 

Published December 17th, 2023

Beth Little has a MLitt in fiction from the University of St. Andrews and a MFA in Writing for Young People from the Solstice MFA Program now of Lasell University, where she subsequently worked as the program’s assistant director. Currently, she teaches at a boarding school in New Hampshire. Beth’s work has been published in places like Eastown Fiction, YA Review Network, and Hunger Mountain. She was awarded a SCBWI Magazine Merit Honor (2016). Beth loves to spend her time outdoors in the Mount Washington Valley with her family.

Lucas Samaras is a Greek-born American artist known for his mixed-media approach towards identity and image. Samara’s knowledge of sculpture, painting, and performance art informed his iconic series of Polaroids from the 1970s, Photo-Transformation (1973-1976). In the works, he would smear and scratch the wet emulsion of developing Polaroids, mostly self-portraits, to create psychedelic and surreal images. Born on September 14, 1936 in Kastoria, Greece, Samaras studied art at Rutgers University where he met the artists Allan Kaprow, George Segal, and Roy Lichtenstein. Inspired by the Fluxus movement, Samaras created the groundbreaking work Mirrored Room (1966), which was one of the earliest installations that allowed viewers to become active participants. He went on to study art history at Columbia University under the famous art critic and theorist Meyer Schapiro. Samaras’s works are presently held in the collections of The Museum of Modern Art in New York, the Tate Gallery in London, the National Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C., and the Los Angeles County Museum of Art, among others. The artist lives and works in New York, NY. (link: https://www.artnet.com/artists/lucas-samaras)